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In the Beginning…
Yes, I’m this bored at the new office. 1st day on the job and I got in late. Don’t blame it on me! I woke up early and was out on time. I just had forgotten that schools were opening today so the traffic was of epic proportions. Got to work an hour late but thank God Richard* (new boss) hadn’t reached yet. Excused myself from Christy*, the lady I think is in charge of H.R. She was very understanding and I hope it wasn’t due to her being able to very expertly mask her disbelief at my arriving late on the 1st day. What a way to begin my track record…. Atleast they do say the only place I have to go from here is up. So yippee!
This office is not much different from my 1st workplace after campus. It’s a company dealing with Corporate branding and also contracting. They have offices in 3 towns in Kenya so they are big in my books. Atleast we managed to scrounge up a desk and chair for my use. sitting at this desk and chair now I have conjured up (and will continue to conjure up) a set of Office Survival Skills one absolutely needs to grasp. Here it goes:

1. The art of looking busy.
Most offices in this day and age are open plan or shared. This prevents one from watching ones favourite video on YouTube with absolute ease. We must admit that there are bound to be those really slow days when not much is to be done. On those days this skill is highly encouraged as you never know, it might push you to the top of the list for that Managerial position.

2. The art of drinking tea.
Imagine a very quiet office where the white noise is the tapping of computer keys and the hum of a motor (generator or water pump) somewhere in the background. Serene right? Then suddenly a long slurp of tea disrupts the peace and elicits an immediate cringe from you. Many people find the slurping of tea or chewing noises very disconcerting. Irritating does not even begin to describe it. If you are one of the tea slurpers please beware, most likely a warrant was put out for your murder and you are the main topic of ire at the water cooler or photocopier. If you can’t drink hot tea let it cool abit. There is no use bringing on your ‘untimely’ demise at a firm prematurely. Way before you even had time to claim one office mug as your own.

3. The art of knowing the has its and the have nots
Each office will have these people. Those able to maintain an up to date diary of the comings and goings in the office. I, sadly, am not one of those who share the innate skill of garnering information from the most unsuspecting of sources. If your like me you need to know one of these special folks-those who can convince a prey mantis it needs to lose weight. They’ll give you the low down on the office politics. I’m still trying to wade through the names, don’t get me started on the politics.

4. The art of knowing when to put a sock in it.

The End…
6 months down the road and I’m leaving already. I leave though knowing the following:
1. I can do any job I put my mind to.
2. Hard work does pay…{your employer not you, sic}
3. I.N.T.S for those days you stumble in on a Saturday completely exhausted from Friday night shenanigans.
4. Give yourself a pat on the back for your good work cause most times people’s gon’ leave your hand hanging there for that high 5.

And I’m out.

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